Señor Bad...Ass

Next to the No Malice Palace (our favorite bar) in the East Village, there is a wee Mexican taco stand called the Snack Dragon Taco Shack, where patrons can eat at an outdoor counter.

Last time we spun by the NMP there was a guy sitting there with his adorable dog. Special K stepped out to take a phone call and started petting him (the dog, not the owner--get your minds out of the gutter, perverts!). She said, "Aww, I feel badly that I don't have any treats for him! He's so sweet!"

The owner paused mid-bite, gave her a smug glare and said, "No, you feel BAD. Not badly." She said, "No, it's an adverb, so it's BADLY." He said, "No, it's BAD."

"Badly."
"Bad."
"Badly."
"BAD."

Special K returned to the bar and said, "There's some jerk outside at the taco stand who's claiming you say, 'I feel bad' instead of 'I feel badly.' Go tell him you feel 'badly' that you don't have any treats for his dog and see what he says."

Even though I wasn't positive she was right*, I wandered outside and over to the dog.

I squat down next to the fabulous pooch and start petting him, chatting the guy up for about five minutes while Special K stays inside the bar. I ask him about his night, his dog, the breed, blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm about to ask him out at this point, and then I drop the bomb: "Aw, I love your dog. I feel badly I don't have any treats for him!"

Mr. Bad (bad attitude, bad breath, bad hair, etc.) stops chewing. Puts his taco down. Shakes his head in disbelief and turns, petting his dog as he gives me a look of pure hatred. "You feel BAD. Not badly."

"No, I feel badly. Badly. Puh-pa-pretty sure it's badly."
"Bad."
"No, badly."
"Bad."
"Badly."

Simmer down there, William Strunk...no need to get your taco in a twist. I dashed back inside to give Special K the full report, as we laughed our asses off like school girls.


*In actuality, the BAD vs. BADLY grammatical debate is still alive and well, I have since determined through online research.